saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
