I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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