You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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