i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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