i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
