Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
