i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
