I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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