I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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