Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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