He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize