Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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