I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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