I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
