You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
