So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my sisters under your porch take her home
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize