Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
