my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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