She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
