I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have post one night stand depression
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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