Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
