Buhtt sex?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
