You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
