My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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