Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
