You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
