i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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