sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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