Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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