you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I understand Curling. That high.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
did you just send me my own nude
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
