Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
