i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
