the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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