I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
