I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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