So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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