I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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