If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
