Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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