Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
