Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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