dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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