When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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