you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
