i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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