either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
