it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
