her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
