Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize