Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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