I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
