it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize