i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
