If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
