life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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