im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize