Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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