Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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