I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
