I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
