Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
