mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
