Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
