I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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