I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
