haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
