We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
