My friends, they love my intelligence
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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