those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
