We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
