There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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