Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
