i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
this just has baby written all over it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
