I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Even my vagina gasped.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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