I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
