You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
