there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
